Conversation at Lefty's
by Balin Lord of Moria
Summary: Leisure Suit Larry and Passionate Patti have nice, quiet talk about adventures of the past and plans for the future in Lefty's Bar in Lost Wages. A few references to implied sex, but no actual sexual content here. Forgive me, my humor is a little weak.


**Disclaimer:** Al Lowe owns _Leisure Suit Larry_; I don't. This is just unofficial fan writing.

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It was a nice, peaceful night in Lost Wages, the locale of Leisure Suit Larry Laffer's first swinging adventure, and he and his new love, Passionate Patti, were sitting together in Lefty's Bar, having some drinks and generally having a good time with each other's company.

"Hey, Patti," asked Larry as they relaxed together on two bar seats, "What sort of life do you want to live if you can become a millionaire someday? I mean, you already have glamorous clothes, a hot figure and a good place to stay with me. What else do you want?"

Patti stretched, looking great in her green dress, and said, "I'm glad you asked that, Larry. I've been thinking about it for some time, and I think I'd like to live a life of luxury like they do here in Lost Wages, Nevada. I want to live in the Casino Hotel, and I want to introduce lounge singing and dancing to the ground floor casino. The blackjack tables and slot machines are great, but it just isn't the same without someone lovely singing a sensuous song for the men and women who play there."

"Gee," said Larry, "I couldn't have put it better myself! I've also always wanted the Casino Hotel in Lost Wages to have more entertainment to go with the fun and games. I may have had an easier time looking for love in Lost Wages if it hadn't been for that."

"You've been to Lost Wages before, Larry?" asked a surprised Patti.

Larry straightened his posture in his chair and said, "Oh, yeah. I went here for my first swing when I finally left home. I had had it with living without the excitement of life on the town, and I was looking to get laid in the best possible way."

"You were looking for sex here?" said Patti, "I hope it wasn't just any kind, because if it was, I might start thinking that you don't love me as much as you say you do."

"Oh, don't worry, Patti, I've always loved you," said Larry hastily, "I didn't want to satisfy my body alone; I wanted it to feel like _true love_, too. I tried to do it with a hooker, but it wasn't right doing it if you have to pay for it. Then a woman named Fawn dazzled me, and we got married, only for her to rob me and leave me tied up on our bed. Then Faith, a receptionist, wanted to be _faithful _to her boyfriend, rather than me. Finally, I scored big with a woman named Eve, but she soon rejected me on the grounds of it having been a one-night stand only."

"Ooh," Patti said, "That must have been rough, Larry!"

"You said it, babe!" said Larry. "Then, I tried again, first with a woman who was repulsed by me named Barbara Bimbo, and then with a native girl on Nontoonyt Island named Kalalau. Kalalau put me through the same crap Eve put me through; she gave me some good times after I saved her island from the evil Dr. Nonookee, but then she made like a lesbian and fell for another woman, rejecting me so coldly and nastily! Her father, who had welcomed me to the island warmly, previously, now used me as a bowling ball to knock down some bottles and fired me from my job!"

"Oh, no!" exclaimed Patti. "That's cruel, of all of those people! Well, you don't have to worry about that happening between us, Larry. I intend to stay by your side to the end."

"Thank you, honey," said Larry, "That's good to hear."

"Frankly," said Patti, "if I had been around any of those people, or if I ever am lucky enough to be near them in the future, I will bop them over the head with my favorite hair dryer, or maybe choke them with some of my spare underwear!"

Larry laughed. "I'd love to see that, especially with someone like Fawn, or Kalalau's father!" he said.

"But from what I've heard about it," said Patti, "Lost Wages is a great place to be, as a visitor or as a resident. It has good convenience stores that sell the best cheap wine, and its disco is one of the most hoppin' in the country. It has a great wedding chapel, too, and the Casino Hotel has the best in luxury in Lost Wages."

"I know about that chapel," said Larry sadly, "That's where I wasted a lot of money to marry that thief, Fawn."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Larry," said Patti, "You didn't tell me that you married Fawn there, though I suppose I _should_ have known."

"That's okay," said Larry, patting her leg, "You couldn't have known."

"Well," Patti continued, "That's what I like about Lost Wages. But most of all, I like this bar called 'Lefty's' that you once told me was where your adventures started. It's small, but it has good drinks, and a jukebox with the greatest swanky tunes on it."

"Oh, yeah," said Larry, "This place hasn't left me with a lot of fulfillment, but I like it anyway. Though I wouldn't recommend using its bathroom; that room stinks so much and is so filthy, I'm amazed I survived in there! It had everything from a stopped-up toilet, to graffiti on the walls, to a diamond ring in the sink that some lady left behind by accident."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that bathroom anymore, sir," said Lefty as he walked by their seats, "It's been cleaned up since you were last here. Except for the toilet, we still haven't been able to fix that problem. But you can still use it to wash up in if you'd like."

_Hmm,_ thought Patti and Larry, _no working toilet, but a working sink. Shows how lame these people can be when swingers are around._

"Ahh, that's great," said Patti aloud, grinning.

"You said it, babe!" Larry "agreed" with his own sheepish grin.

"Well, then," said Larry, "I guess I'll go and wash my hands to get ready for another hands-on night with you, Patti. You need to wash up?"

"No, thank you, Larry," said Patti, "I think I'm going to order one more wine before we leave, to get me a little more into the mood."

"Okay," said Larry, "Then I'll get one more beer when I get back."

"You might have to wash your hands again, sir," advised Lefty.

"Yeah, well, that's life," remarked Larry, "We all have to make certain sacrifices." He winked at Patti before heading to the bathroom.

Lefty set another drink before Patti and began to prepare Larry's next beer. "I think we all know what sort of sacrifice these two will have to make someday," he muttered under his breath.


End file.
